Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Hello Once Again Followers,

In this entry I will explain why my suitemate Megan Miller’s behavior is acceptable as a result of her horoscope, Virgo. Here are 10 things that Megan does, but the stars excuse.

1 Megan is constantly obsessing over how clean her room is. Every time her roommate, and my other suitemate, Libby puts something on the floor, Megan waits until about a minute after she leaves before moving it and then vacuuming feverishly. This is easily explained away by the average Virgo’s tendency towards self-perfection. Virgos feel the need to perfect everything around them and also to attain a sense of perfection.

2. Speaking of cleaning, Megan is also very focused on keeping up an appearance of self-cleanliness. Well not only an appearance. She is constantly primping, showering, and applying all sorts of mysterious lotions, creams, and astringents. Her drawers are overloaded with an array of hygiene and cleaning products. She has even told me stories of her own neurotic tendency as a child to stand in front of the mirror and brush her teeth for an hour at a time, multiple times a day. Extreme, I think yes. This sort of focus on attaining cleanliness is but another feature of the Virgoan personality.

3. Megan also has a tendency to be a little critical of others. Others being sometimes me. Maybe not explicitly, but I can see it in her eyes. Also, her scathing criticisms of others may give one the shivers…well, that is sort of an exaggeration. Both of those are sort of exaggerations. And by sort of, I mean they are in fact an exaggeration. But all exaggerations start with truths, Megan will admit freely that she has a tendency to criticize. Virgos are always striving for perfection, so one of their resultant characteristics is that they always notice flaws.

4. Virgos, and Megan, are also known hypochondriacs. A small headache? Obviously a tumor. Tummy ache? Definitely stomach cancer. Read about any outlandish health disorders on the Internet lately? Don’t tell Megan, she will probably suspect she has it. The massive array of medication she has in her room is enough to remedy the masses of most minor illnesses. But don’t blame this neurosis on Megan; it’s just the stars predetermining her personality!

5. Astrologers also attribute direct communication, but also passivity to Virgos. These qualities manifest themselves in Megan through her mode of communication. While when she says something, it is usually relevant and right to the point, it is also usually delivered at a pitch that only dogs can detect. She says what she means, but rarely is her voice asserted at an audible level. I happen to possess what Sam and I call hawk-ears (they’re extremely good at listening) and therefore have the ability to actually detect Megan’s voice…although she is still really good at creeping up behind me while I’m typing. Thanks to all the practice, I think I could probably commune with mice at this point.

6. Virgo women are also known for their lack of ability when it comes to expressing emotions. So usually, I have to wheedle them out of Megan. However, my Taurus/Aries (I say Aries because it is my moon sign) influence may have opened her up a little bit.

7. Virgo children are known for being a little bit of fussy eaters. Since day one, Megan—still very much an impish little child—has embodied this trait. This girl will not, I repeat WILL NOT eat! When she does finally settle on something for dinner, it is usually accompanied with not a side of fries, but complaints rife with malcontent. I may one day resort to the age old technique of pretending the fork is a choo-choo train.

8. Virgos tend to worry quite a bit. Needless to say (then why am I saying it, you ask?) Megan is a worrywart. That is, however, why it is my duty to soothe her worries as well as her other neuroses.

9. The sign of Virgo is often accredited with the role of follower. This, however, is not always Megan. But when it is, it comes in extremely handy for my daily schemes. Whenever I feel like having a moustache day, or Sam and I want to go to Mabee in costume, my little elf Megan is always willing.

10. One attribute that is often seen as a negative is the Virgo’s eccentricity. I, however, find this to be Megan’s most endearing, accommodating, and charming feature. She is so extremely weird, but I love it. When she bursts into my room—jar of bubbles in one hand, sparklers in the other, and an Optimus Prime helmet on her head—I can’t help but think, how did I get so lucky?

Megan, for all the characteristics the sign of Virgo has afforded her, is an extremely fun and clever person. We get on like Jenny and Forrest—peas and carrots style. This can also be explained astrologically, because you see followers, Taurus and Virgo are ideal matches. Virgo + Taurus = extremely awesome. Together, they’re like pickles and ice cream for a pregnant woman. So while Megan has some outlandish behaviors and personality traits (some I felt unable to discuss…no, I will not give hints) she’s still my perfect match and I know the Taurus in me has probably caused her some grief as well.

I hope to have enlightened you, shown you yet another way to explain away life with astrology, and to have acted as your telescope by showing you the stars.

Your stargazer extraordinaire,


Here's my little Megala trussed up in sequins and a mustache at the zoo. Could you ask for someone stranger or more delightful? Also, can you see the crazies in her eyes?

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Astrological Affirmation of Sorts

Hello Loyal Followers!!!
And by loyal followers, I of course mean Professor McCollum and you wonderful teacher’s assistants who grade my entries. ANYWHO, it may seem a little too convenient, but I have discovered the reasons why Sam and I, despite our conflicting horoscopes, get along so well. It’s not because of our similar personalities, which may defy astrological reasoning, and it’s not some trivial reason like, “horoscopes are nonsense and have no effect upon your life or your being”. Oh no friends…it is completely justified by the stars. You see, just the other night I was breezing through my suitemate Megan’s (Megan and I are an ideal match, by the way, she is a Virgo) horoscope and zodiac book—which she bought after Sam and I introduced her to the magic of astrology—when I came across something very interesting. Moon signs. One's moon sign is linked with emotion and moods, so while one's sun sign could be Taurus (one possibly being...I don't know, me) and determine their general characteristics, the moon sign would determine their emotions. I guess you could even stretch that and say it might sort of determine the soul of a person. Reading this, as an astrological misfit, I was immediately determined to find my own moon sign. So I went to the handy dandy Internet and googled birth charts. A birth chart is an astrological chart of where all the planets, the moon, and the sun were at your birth. I quickly found a site that calculates birth charts for free, and a few hours later, I had not only calculated my own birth chart and thus my moon sign, but also most of the people I knew by gathering information off of their facebooks...including Miss Samantha Lynn Grubbs. That's another great feature of astrology, it's a supreme time waster and really allows you to feel okay about facebook stalking, so when your roommate asks you why you're on so-and-so's facebook feverishly poring over their profile at 3a.m. you can excuse it by saying, "I'm calculating their birth chart!" But back to my central line of thought, after calculating the birth charts for Sam and myself I found that both of us had several planets that were in line at the time of our birth. According to the charts and the positions of these parallel planets, we were both inventive, talkative, romantic thinkers, stubborn, and had a tendency to be haughty. Also, my moon was in the house of Aries when I was born, making my moods and emotions more compatible with Sam's because Aries is known for being active, inventive, hot-tempered, and passionate. Also according to my birth chart, I am full of contraditions, so the fact that my nature somewhat contradicts my birth sign is just a part of the stars! So although Sam and my sun signs didn't necessarily match up, when getting into the nitty gritty details of astrology, our natures are extremely compatible!

Once again astrology saves the day by explaining away my realities with its fantastical nature.

Your Amateur Astrologer,


If you'd like to calculate your own birth chart, here is the sort of sketchy link I used:

There is Sam lurking in the background as I smile with joy, contemplating the stars and their implications for us lowly humans.